


Reach Your Breaking Point

by HuyanaShadowheart



Category: Point Break (2015)
Genre: F/M, Slight Canon Divergence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:08:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24460318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuyanaShadowheart/pseuds/HuyanaShadowheart
Summary: The FBI seems reluctant to believe Utah’s hypothesis on the criminals responsible for a diamond heist in India and US dollars stolen out of a plane mid-air are chasing the mythical ‘Ozaki 8’. But what Utah doesn’t know, is that the FBI has already sent another agent to infiltrate the group and investigate - you. However, you are not an extreme athlete and have to take a different approach. Until you get closer to Bodhi and things become complicated. When you reach your breaking point, how will you choose?
Relationships: Bodhi/Reader, Bodhi/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What was it that I said about not having time for fanfic and never finishing my already started fics? Uhhhh, yeah... This one needed to get out - and this time I planned all the chapters beforehand, so I should actually be able to finish it!

The bass of the music ran through your body, making every bone and nerve sing with the vibrations of it. The air outside had cooled off, the wind sometimes bringing wisps of cool air with it into the beach bar. You watched as the group of four men and one woman entered the bar and took in the scene. You knew each one by name. After all, you had been tracking them since their stunt in Mumbai. But the FBI had not given you the green light to get closer - until now. From your seat at the bar, you watched as Chowder, Grommet and Roach sauntered to one of the tables, nearly falling over themselves with pride and clapping each other on the back, still high on adrenaline off their last stunt.   
They had just completed the third of Ozaki’s eight ordeals, Awakening Earth, by jumping out of a U.S. military plane and parachuting into the Cave of Swallows, taking millions of dollars with them. You glance onto your phone for a second, rereading the last message your handler sent.   
TARGETS MADE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS RAIN DOWN OVER THE JUNGLE. HQ GIVING GREEN LIGHT FOR APPROACH. BE CAREFUL, AND STAY IN CONTACT, the message said and you had to suppress a roll of your eyes. You were always careful and made sure to send regular updates. Although Jack, your handler, liked to think otherwise and he told you what he thought each time you met up.   
You glanced up from your phone and saw that Samsara, the only woman in the group, made her way towards the bar - to the exact spot where you were sitting. Light panic made your heart flutter for a second. Was Jack right and you had not been careful enough when shadowing the group’s sponsor? You knew, he was in the city. You also knew, he was at a party in the holiday resort behind this very bar, the very same party, Bodhi and his team just came from. Otherwise, you wouldn’t even be here right now. It was Saturday, so you would probably be lunging at home right now, trying to stave off your worried parents, who thought you worked too hard and that the FBI was no place for a woman anyway - it was far too dangerous.   
While Samsara weaved her way through the crowd on the dance floor towards the bar, your gaze got caught on Bodhi, who was watching you intently. Had he told Samsara to come to your spot at the bar? Apparently. He looked back at you, and when he caught you staring, his lips curled into a smile that sent a shiver down your spine. You scolded yourself. No time for flirting, especially not with the target of your mission! Nevertheless, you returned his smile. You just couldn’t help it.   
Not a moment later, Samsara had reached your bar stool. She smiled at you, extended a hand and said:   
“Hi! I’m Samsara. That’s Bodhi. We were wondering, if you would like to join us and our friends at our table? We still have a spot. Only if you want, of course.”   
You found yourself dumbstruck at the direct offer. If Jack or anybody else from the FBI were here, they would push you to get over there and start your fucking mission. But you’d already almost reached your limit of drinks - technically, agents were supposed to stay sober if on assignment, but there was nobody else here to check if you obeyed the rules - and you didn’t know if you could trust yourself not to blow your cover immediately. Bodhi could surely elicit your secrets from you easily enough. You blinked, came back to reality. _Focus, Y/N. This is your chance!_  
You nodded and took Samsara’s hand. “Y/N. And I’d love to!”   
“Awesome!” Samsara beamed with happiness at you accepting her invitation. She turned to the barkeep and ordered a round of drinks, while you slid off the bar stool and stole another glance in Bodhi’s direction. But he was no longer in his previous spot. While you and Samsara had been talking, Bodhi went to the table and joined his friends. The two of you quickly locked eyes again and you knew, you were starting to blush. _Damn it._ But you would not give the ones back at the FBI whispering that they had better sent a man if they wanted to get the job done, any satisfaction.   
“Okay, let’s go,” Samsara noted and thus quickly broke the spell you and Bodhi had been under.   
“Do you need help carrying that?” you asked, trying to be polite and hide your flustered state. Samsara shook her head, said she got it and then nodded into the direction of the table. You chose to follow her rather than go first, perhaps trying to hide behind her, but definitely trying to compose yourself before you reached the table.   
Everybody was watching Samsara and reaching for their drinks even before she had set down the tablet - except for Bodhi, who was watching you as if he was looking for a crack in the armour you had built up over years, and which came in quite handy when you were on assignment. Chowder, Roach and Bodhi were sitting together on one bench and Grommet on the other, leaving two spaces for you and Samsara.   
“Alright, boys. This here’s Y/N. Y/N, this is Grommet, Chowder, Roach and Bodhi,” Samsara said and pulled you close to her side on the bench. The guys all waved at you and grunted a “Hi” or “Hello”. Bodhi even extended his hand towards you over the table.   
“Nice to meet you, Y/N.” His blue-green eyes snatched you right up again. This was certainly going to be an interesting assignment.   
You shook his hand. “Nice to meet you too, Bodhi.”   
He smiled at you, before taking a sip of his drink. The others at the table quickly returned to their own conversations.   
“So, what brings you out here to Mexico, Y/N?” Bodhi asked, not letting you out of his sight as he took another sip. Was he nervous?   
“Work, actually,” you replied. “What about you guys?”   
“Something like work. We’re extreme athletes.” You nodded and raised your eyebrow in fake surprise. Of course, you already knew all of this. But you needed to get his trust, if you really wanted to make progress.   
“What kind of extreme sports are you into?” you asked, trying to not to make it too obvious that you were interrogating him. Maybe he would give you a hint where they were going next.   
“Skydiving, rock climbing, motocross, surfing. You surf, Y/N?” He downed his drink. The twinkle in his eyes let you know that he was all too aware that you were interrogating him - but maybe this meant, you could set him on the wrong track. If he thought, you were simply interested in him and his stunts, he wouldn’t think twice about you actually being an FBI agent here to find evidence that linked them to the heists in Mumbai and over the Cave of Swallows.   
“I’ve never surfed before, no. But I did go snowboarding for a while.” You knew, he was interrogating you just as well, and you had to be careful not to let too much of the truth slip out. But as long as you didn’t say that you joined the FBI, you should be fine, right?   
“Oh, then you should definitely come out surfing with us tomorrow, right, Bodhi? It’s not too hard if you already know how to keep your balance on a board. And the sea is gorgeous,” Samsara butted into the conversation. You were stunned, there was definitely an opportunity presenting itself here. If you could get Bodhi and the others to accept you into their group, you would be one step closer to your mission goal.   
Bodhi nodded and agreed with Samsara. “I can teach you, if you don’t feel confident enough on your own - if you want, of course. Just one question, why’d you stop snowboarding?”   
“I, uh, had an accident a while back. Screwed up my knee so bad the doctors said I shouldn’t set foot on a board again. But I always wanted to try surfing.” You smiled as you lifted your glass to your lips to take a sip of your own drink. Bodhi made no effort to hide himself staring at your lips.   
“Alright. It’s decided then. Tomorrow morning, on the beach at first light. Sound good?”   
“Sure. I’m looking forward to it,” you answered. Under the table you sent a quick text to your handler.  
 _Gotcha._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s Chapter 2! I’m planning to write and release a chapter each weekend on Saturday and Sunday. So, the next update’s gonna come next week. Also, for the record: I know jack shit about surfing, snowboarding or any other extreme sports, so if I get anything wrong, you know why. XD

The sun had barely begun to creep over the horizon when you got to the beach. Bodhi, Samsara and their friends were waiting for you. Your eyes were on Bodhi. You had checked in with your handler before leaving the hotel. As Bodhi was the apparent leader of the group, you were officially tasked with getting closer to him, figuring out his motives and, if possible, detaining him and the rest of the group. And you hated that. Looking at the way the morning breeze rustled through his hair and the way he smiled knowingly when he spotted you, you kicked yourself internally. This case was your chance to achieve something big, to earn the respect of your peers and superiors at the FBI. And here you were, getting flustered over the way your target smiled at you. You were aware that the FBI sent you in and specifically tasked you to get closer to Bodhi because you were a woman. They were asking you to use your body, to practically sell yourself to bring in a suspect and get a motive from him.   
You sighed and decided to put the uneasy feeling in your stomach aside for now. You were only getting closer to your targets, you hadn’t achieved anything yet. Just because they had invited you out to surf, didn’t mean they’d —   
“Y/N!” Samsara calling your name and running towards you ripped you from your thoughts. The black-haired girl was smiling one of her beaming smiles at you, apparently overjoyed to see you came after all.   
“Hey, Samsara,” you replied and returned her smile with a weaker version, unable to hide your anxiety. She furrowed her brows at your for a second, but then took your hand and, with a positive “Come on!”, dragged you towards the four men, who where preparing their surf boards.   
Your uneasiness must have been written all over your face, because the boys chuckled and laughed when you reached them. Bodhi threw you a wetsuit.   
“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine,” he said and winked at you. You looked at the wetsuit in your hands, then out onto the ocean and back at Bodhi. There was no hint of aggressive pressuring there in his eyes. He wanted you to take this your way. “If you want, we can do some dry-land exercises first. So you can get a feel for the board.”   
_Get a feel for the board, huh?_ You debated for a second, whether you should act brave and decline his offer. But getting him alone would also provide you with an excellent opportunity to get another step closer to him.   
“It’s been a while since I stood on any board, so yeah. I’d prefer a chance to get re-acquainted first,” you answered. Roach snickered at your response, but Bodhi shot him a look that quickly shut him up.   
“You guys go ahead. We’ll catch up in due time,” he said and nodded in the direction of where he’d parked his own board and the one he’d gotten for you. You watched Roach, Chowder, Grommet and Samsara take off before following Bodhi to the boards.   
“So, how long are you guys staying here?” you asked, hoping it was an innocent enough question to get an honest answer. Bodhi directed his attention from the group plunging into the waves back to you. The look he gave you, made another shiver run down your spine.   
“We leave tomorrow,” Bodhi answered and you couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed at the curt response.   
But you didn’t try to hide it. “That’s a shame. Would have liked to get to know you a little better.”   
Bodhi lets out a surprised laugh at your directness. You wonder if you just spoiled your chances and thus tanked the mission, but then he says: “I wish, we’d had a little more time, too.”   
You thought, you hadn’t heard him right, but then he changed the mood by pointing out that it was time to show you the ropes if the two of you wanted to get out into the water today rather than tomorrow.   
He showed you how to position yourself on the board to paddle, advised you on how to spot the right wave and the right moment to jump up and ride it.   
“Watch your feet when you get up to stand. Keep them slightly wider than your hips.” He put his hands on your hips, putting light pressure on them and pulling them down towards the sand, so you had to bend your knees. And you suddenly became keenly aware of his proximity to you. The hairs on the back of your neck stood up when he whispered into your ear.   
“Bend your knees to lower your centre of gravity. Feel the rhythm of the wave, the water rushing beneath your board and your feet. Become one with it.”   
His hands slid down your arms until he came to your wrists, grabbed them and pulled up your arms. “Stretch out your arms for balance when you need it.”   
Then his hands slid down your sides and came to rest on your belly. “And, most important of all, don’t forget to breathe.” You inhaled and your nose was filled with his smell and the scent of the sea salt in the air.   
“Alright, I think, we’ll repeat that a few more times and then we can go out into the waves. What do you think?” He stepped back and let go of you. You blinked at the sudden loss of intimacy and the warmth of his body, but then nodded.   
“Mhm.”   
“Good.” You looked at him over your shoulder and saw that he was grinning to himself. 

After repeating the motions of paddling, getting to your feet on the board and keeping your balance a few more times, you finally went out into the water. The first few times, you quickly fell off your board. You tried, and failed, to hide your frustration at your incompetence while you watched the rest of the group flawlessly surfing the waves. But Bodhi encouraged you to try again and again - and lo and behold, after another five times of falling or faltering, you finally managed to surf your first wave. The high off the achievement reminded you of the times you’d gone snowboarding with your brother and you looked back up at the mountain, marvelling at the slope you had just conquered. The group cheered for you and you beamed at Bodhi from across the water, who quickly returned your smile with a lop-sided grin. 

When the sun set and you had all dried off, you found yourself sitting in the bar from yesterday, at the same table. But this time, it was only Bodhi and you. The others had their fun in the crowd on the dance floor, and you chuckled as you watched Chowder make a complete fool of himself. You turned back to Bodhi to find him watching you, the same way he had been watching you last night when you first saw each other.   
“What do you know about the Ozaki 8?” he suddenly asked. The bravado and playfulness from today had vanished into the night. He was deeply serious and you found yourself wondering why. Of course, you’d heard of the Ozaki 8 before.   
“The eight mythical ordeals that are supposed to lead whoever completes all of them to Nirvana? Yeah, I’ve heard of them. My brother was obsessed with Ozaki and his ordeals.” _And died training for the sixth one,_ Life of Ice. You let a bit of your actual pain shine through, making your voice break at the end of the sentence.   
Bodhi quietly took hold of your hand across the table. He didn’t say it, but you could feel he was telling you that he felt your pain.   
“Why?” you asked, trying to return to the conversation at hand as quickly as possible.   
“Because we are attempting to complete his trials. That is why we’re going to France tomorrow. A storm’s about to hit off the coast, resulting in a huge swell of waves, which are perfect for completing the fourth ordeal, _Life of Water_. I… wanted to ask if you want to join us? We are not simply trying to complete Ozaki’s ordeals, this is also about giving back to the Earth. Humanity has been taking too much for too long.” You saw it in his eyes first. The way his sympathy for your pain was replaced by the fire blazing inside him. And you had to step on your own toe to remember that you were here for a job and couldn’t afford getting sucked in by his desire for revenge.   
You looked down at your empty glass. “I… can’t do what you guys do. I’m not a poly athlete and I don’t do extreme sports anymore.”   
“That is fine. I can see, you already expect nature enough to know when it would crush you.” The warmth and sympathy for you returned into his eyes and he squeezed your hand quickly.   
“Will you join us, Y/N?”   
You bit your lip. This was what you had been waiting for, the big break in your case. You had a chance to get in. But there was also a tiny voice whispering in the back of your head that you had to be careful, that his ideas were seductive and you couldn’t afford for them - and for him. You ignored it. You only did this because it was your job.   
Finally you nodded.   
“I’m with you, Bodhi.” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I wanted to update yesterday too, but I had to work late and too much was going on. The next update is probably gonna come tomorrow cause I have to work again tonight… But then I’m off Monday and Tuesday xD

You stared out at the water glistening in the sunlight. The speakers on the big yacht you were standing on, were blasting music and the people around cheered for everyone, who managed to surf one of the waves crashing a few metres ahead. You sighed. When you had met Bodhi and the rest of the group at the airfield back in Mexico, Chowder had boasted about their sponsor having so much money, they could finish Ozaki’s Ordeals at least three times over and he would still have enough to live comfortably.   
Bodhi and Grommet had chastised Chowder not only for telling you, but also for letting their sponsor’s wealth blind him for a moment. (Although you had to admit, they did make use of a lot of his money.) You saw it as a reminder that they were still not fully trusting you. Bodhi might have invited you to join their group, but you knew, that did not necessarily mean that he would trust you with his life if you had a gun in your hand.   
You flinched when a hand landed on your shoulder, but relaxed when you saw that it was only Chowder. He grinned at you. “You alright?”   
You nodded. “Yeah, just watching the waves. Where’s Bodhi?”   
He followed your gaze and then pointed to one of the jet skis pulling a surfer towards a bigger swell. “He’s already out there. Looks like he’ll complete the next ordeal just fine.”   
You didn’t react to Chowder’s unshaken faith in Bodhi’s abilities. He was like a dog watching its owner with reverence, as if Bodhi could never do anything wrong in his life. You frowned and chewed on your lower lip while your sense of duty and morale battled with something that had been in the back of your mind for years now, something Bodhi and Samsara and the rest of them had awakened when you met them face-to-face and not just on paper. You realized why you had volunteered for this undercover mission in the first place. You had long felt lost, helpless and unable to do anything against injustice other than watch - which was ironic since you were an FBI agent, after all. But amongst Bodhi, Samsara, Chowder, Roach and Grommet, you felt like you could finally get the answers you had sought since your brother had passed. As if you came closer to him the more time you spent with the others, as if you could finally understand how he had felt. They brought back memories of why you had loved to go up into the mountains with your brother on the first cable car and ride the slopes down into the valley before anybody else had touched them.   
Chowder angrily exclaiming that somebody was stealing Bodhi’s wave and that they should get out of the way, brought you back to reality and the scene before you back into focus. Another surfer was behind Bodhi, snaking his wave - you believed that was the term Bodhi had explained to you when you had been surfing together. Your hands gripped the railing of the yacht so hard, your knuckles shone through your skin as you watched the wave swallow the other surfer and then Bodhi jumping in after him to get him back up. You bumped into Chowder as both of you craned your necks to see Bodhi and the other surfer come back to the surface.   
Chowder grabbed your arm and pulled you behind him, away from the railing. “Come on, let’s see if we can help.”   
“Alright.” You followed him downstairs to a rubber dinghy. While Chowder was undoing the lines, you climbed into the boat and looked for the key to start the engine. You couldn’t find it.   
“I need the key, Chowder.” You turned to him. Barely looking at you, he threw the keys into your direction. You barely caught it and shook your head Chowder’s throwing skills. Or lack thereof. You put the key into the ignition, started the engine and let Chowder take over after he had jumped into the boat. By the time, you got to Bodhi’s location, the jet skiers had already pulled him and the other surfer out of the water. You thought, you recognized the blond hair and the tattoos, but you couldn’t place him. The other surfer wasn’t moving and one of the jet skiers called to you: “He’s alive, but barely. Can you guys take him back to the yacht?”   
“Sure,” you called back. “Let me take the wheel. You take the other guy,” you said to Chowder, who only nodded and then stepped back to help the jet skier heave the new guy into the dinghy. Bodhi climbed in after him. You threw him a brief glance, your whole body must have expressed the worry you felt, because Bodhi simply said. “I’m fine, Y/N.” 

The incident with Bodhi and Johnny Utah - Bodhi had told you who he was, after you asked -, did nothing to dampen the party mood of any of the people there. While the booze flowed freely and the music blared into the night, you found yourself staring time and time again at the stairs that led up to where Bodhi, Roach and Chowder were watching over Utah until he woke up. Just as you thought, you should maybe go up and check if they were okay, Bodhi came down the stairs with Utah in tow. You were glad to see both were okay, but you couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that you knew him from somewhere - and definitely not off of YouTube.   
“You alright?” Bodhi asked when they reached you and the way he squeezed your shoulder made your heart flutter.   
“Yep. Totally fine. Just glad, you’re not hurt,” you replied and earned an honest smile from Bodhi.   
“Yeah, me too.” You could tell, he wanted to tell you something else, but Utah’s presence hindered him from saying it. “I’ll show Utah around and then I’ll come and find you, okay?”   
“Sure. I’ll try to stay in the same spot.” You grinned and Bodhi’s smile widened into a grin in response. You watched the four men move through the party crowd with the same grin playing on your lips. But it soon died when your gaze landed on him. Pappas. What the fuck was he doing here?   
With your drink in hand, you checked that Bodhi’s attention was on Utah and then moved in to confront the agent from the FBI’s UK office.   
“What the fuck are you doing here?” you hissed into his ear when you reached him. Pappas whirled around and looked at you in shock.   
“What are you doing here, kid?” he asked back.   
“Working on an undercover case. Your presence alone could endanger my cover. And I asked you first!”   
“Well, I’m here on a case, too. I’m watching the new kid.” He nodded in Utah’s direction.   
“Utah? Christ, I told Jack, I didn’t need backup.”   
Pappas shrugged. “I guess, they thought, two agents on the same case would double their chances of success.”   
You grumbled while downing the last bit of your drink. It did not double your chances of success, it endangered your cover and the whole goddamn operation!   
“Is this guy bothering you, Y/N?” you suddenly heard Bodhi’s voice behind you.   
You turned around and shook your head. “Nope. Just a minor disagreement on the choice of music. Let’s go somewhere else.”   
You grabbed Bodhi’s hand without thinking and practically dragged him behind you, away from the crowd. Your mind was racing. If Utah managed to infiltrate the group, you would have to be doubly careful not to expose yourself or him. And what if he blew your cover? FUCK! This whole operation was fucked.   
When you had cleared most of the party crowd, Bodhi grabbed your shoulder and forced you to turn around. “Y/N, stop. What’s wrong?”   
You avoided looking at him, when you answered. “Nothing, it’s just… Seeing you dive into the water after Utah, it… reminded me of my brother’s accident. I was worried, alright?”   
_That and the fact that I’m an undercover FBI agent investigating your group and working towards putting you all in jail. And if I told you, you would probably push me away, but I don’t want you to push me away_ , you thought. You had to bite your tongue to not burst out with this information and make matters even worse.   
But Bodhi surprised you, when he stepped forward and pulled you into his arms, your head resting against his chest - you could hear his heartbeat. “I’m sorry, Y/N. But you have to let go. Your brother made the decision to try the ordeal that day. It is not your responsibility,” he murmured into your hair.   
“I know. I know,” you mumbled back. Just as it had been your choice to go through with the mission and lie to them, instead of coming out with the truth. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little shorter than the last ones - and later than I had originally promised, sorry! But I hope you guys enjoy :D

You hadn’t been allowed to go to the train station with the guys. While they waited for Utah to show up, you were pacing the length of the room in their sponsor’s house that you were sharing with Samsara. The latter sat on one of the two single beds and watched you. She was completely at ease, trusting Bodhi and the rest to do the right thing. But you? You were her exact opposite. You knew, Utah was a fellow FBI agent. You knew, after the stunt he had pulled with the wave, he would probably do anything to get into the group - and to accomplish his mission.   
You sighed, stopped your pacing and leaned your head against the cool wall. “What if something goes wrong?” you asked for the millionth time.   
You heard Samsara get up off the bed and walk towards you. She put a slender hand on your shoulder. “They will be fine. Just trust Bodhi.”   
“Trust Bodhi?” You turned around to face her. “How am I supposed to trust him when he apparently still doesn’t trust me fully and won’t tell me what’s going on. You put yourselves in danger for what? To reach Nirvana? To raise awareness of climate change and international corporations exploiting our planet for their own monetary gain?” You really tried to understand their point of view. And it wasn’t like you didn’t feel the need to get revenge for what people did to the planet yourself. But how would that work when the US and the rest of the world branded them as criminals because they broke into places, stole billions of dollars - and what if… You stopped. What if somebody got hurt? Bodhi or the boys or somebody whom they perceived to be on the wrong side?   
Samsara looked at you with gentle eyes and a smile, then pulled you in for a hug. “I can see how much you worry about us. But you really don’t have to. Everyone is here of their own free will and it is their choice to participate in anything we do. As to the why, you’d better ask Bodhi. I think, I just heard the car downstairs.” She let you go and you scrambled towards the bedroom door and raced down the stairs. 

When you saw Bodhi’s bloody face, you couldn’t help the anger that stirred in your stomach. But who were you angry at? Bodhi for being so careless and not letting you go with him? Yourself for not being able to protect him? Protect him from what exactly? You didn’t know who to direct your anger towards, so you crossed your arms in front of your chest to hide your trembling hands and simply asked: “What the fuck happened to you?”   
The boys saw your stern face and grinned, but quickly left you and Bodhi alone. Bodhi, his face bloodied and a little bruised and his hair slick with sweat, looked at you sheepishly. “Utah happened.”   
“Why?” Just one word. But you put all your desperation, worry and anger at his carelessness into it. And by the look on his face, Bodhi felt it.   
“I had to test him,” he replied. He started to try and move past you in the front doorway, but you grabbed his wrist and held him back. He looked down at your hand with surprise mixed with what you could only describe as awe at your trembling with anger.   
“Why?” you asked again.   
“Y/N… Can we please do this inside? I need to clean myself up.” He evaded your question, you knew that. But you wanted to know the reason. Why had he let Utah beat him up like this? You hadn’t realized you said it out loud until Bodhi spoke again.   
“Utah did not beat me up. I won that fight.” Some of your own anger must have jumped over onto Bodhi, because you could hear a lightly threatening undertone in his voice. You let go of his wrist and he went inside. But he stopped to turn around and look at you. “You coming? I could use your help?”   
Stunned into silence - and still mad that you didn’t get your answers - you nodded and followed him. 

“Hold still!” you reprimanded Bodhi when he winced away from your touch again, while you tried to clean a cut above his eyebrow. He was sitting on the bed in his own room, the medical supplies of the first-aid kit spread out next to him - and you were standing in between his legs, one hand under his chin to tilt up his face to the light of the lamp above and the other holding a cotton pad dabbed in medical alcohol to clean him up.   
You could feel his eyes watching you intently. There was still that bit of awe at you and your emotions in his gaze and your skipped a beat when your eyes darted down to meet his for a second. You could hear Jack, your handler, scold you in your head. _Developing feelings for a target, are we, Y/N? Should’ve known never to give you this assignment. You can’t help yourself, can you?_ No, you couldn’t. Bodhi’s pull was simply too strong and you knew, it would mean trouble down the line. But right now? Right now you had to focus on cleaning his wounds and not hurting him any more.   
He winced again at the next dab, now on a cut on his lip. You couldn’t pull your eyes away from them.   
“I had to test Utah to know if he had the fighting spirit that we need. The same spirit that you have, that fire inside of you telling you to do _something_. Something _more_ than what you’ve been doing all your life. And if you can give back to the planet while doing that? Why not?”   
You blinked at him, uncomprehending, for a few seconds. Then you realized he was telling you the reason why his face was all fucked up.   
“Right… And that means fighting a complete stranger in an abandoned train station. Got it,” you replied.   
Bodhi scoffed - and immediately winced at the pain shooting into his face. “Maybe. Maybe it also means doing something else…” His voice trailed off and you felt one of his hands land on your hips and the other moving up to cup your head and gently pull you down towards him. You heard the sharp intake of breath from him as your lips collided with his bruised ones. But he got over it, quickly enough to deepen the kiss.   
When Bodhi asked you to stay with him that night, you threw your inner FBI agent - who was screaming at you, that this was wrong and you were on your best way to fucking up the entire mission - out the window and did what you wanted to do: you stayed. Even though, apart from that kiss, nothing else happened. But just feeling Bodhi’s arms around you as you drifted off to sleep and the hope of being able to do something more in your heart, was enough that night. 


	5. Chapter 5

You looked at your phone and the “no service” message on the top of the screen. _Damn it._ Jack would give you hell for dropping off the grid. The last time you had sent him an update was in Paris, shortly after Bodhi and the guys had come back from the train station - and you’d had a moment to excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. Did you tell him about the kiss? Hell no. It would only make matters worse and they would probably pull you off the case. But you could feel, you were close. Was it a breakthrough in the case or your own breaking point? You didn’t know. But you knew, you were nearing a difficult choice.   
“Hey. You okay? You’ve been staring at that phone for the past ten minutes,” Samsara said, holding a box with vegetables. While Bodhi, Utah and the others were hiking up the mountain some ways off, you and Samsara were setting up shop in a small cottage.   
You smiled sheepishly. “I promised my mom, I’d call her. But that’s not happening with no cell service,” you lied.   
Samsara nodded understandingly and then went inside with the vegetables. And the little lie stabbed you in the heart. They had been nothing but welcoming to you, especially Samsara, and yet you had to lie to them. You wanted to say, it was to protect them from the truth, but in reality you were only protecting yourself.   
You were digging your own grave. Deeper and deeper you went, the more time you spent with the group and the longer you lied to them.   
You sighed, put your phone away and decided to help Samsara. 

The more time passed, the more you noticed your mind returning to Utah, Bodhi and the fact that Utah and you were FBI agents, who were not supposed to know of each other’s existence apparently since nobody had informed you of Utah’s assignment. What if Utah blew his cover? What if Bodhi already knew who you were and he had simply not said anything? What would he say? ‘Hey, Y/N. I know, you’re working to put us all behind bars, but I don’t think, you’ll do it’? Maybe. And then there was that damned kiss. What did that mean? Or rather, what did Bodhi mean by it? You knew, what it meant for you. The way your heartbeat had quickened when you’d felt his hand on your hips, the heat crawling under your skin. Shit.   
You shook your head, tried to focus on what was ahead of you: peeling and cutting potatoes. Samsara sat across from you at the table in front of the cottage and was cutting carrots and bell peppers.   
“So… what happened between you and Bodhi back in Paris? You two have been dancing around each other ever since. Actually, you two have been dancing around each other since we met you,” she started up a conversation. It was innocent enough, but you felt a shiver running down your spine as she reminded you, again, of the feeling of Bodhi’s lips against yours, his scent, and the way his body had curled around yours when you had shared the bed that night - only sleeping next to each other, not sleeping with.   
You decided to deflect. You didn’t want to think about the kiss again. Or the way you felt every time Bodhi looked at you. Or the way he had said that you had the same fire inside of you as he did.   
“I could say the same thing about you and Utah? What’s going on there?” you replied and grinned.   
Samsara laughed. “I don’t know.” She paused for a moment. “I think, he is interesting. That’s all. And you didn’t answer my question.”   
“I don’t know,” you repeated her own words. Both of you laughed at that. 

It was late in the afternoon when the boys finally returned from their hiking and wing suit-jumping trip. You could see from the way Utah acted around them that they had bonded. And there it was again, that feeling of dread. Utah had to know of the consequences of getting close to this group of people.   
“Everything go well?” you asked and were slightly surprised when Bodhi pressed a light kiss on your cheek as a greeting.   
“Swimmingly,” he replied and smiled at you. You felt your lips curl into a smile as well.   
“That’s great.”   
Your eyes landed on Utah, who stretched his hand out towards you. “Hi, I believe we haven’t met yet. Johnny Utah,” he said.   
You took his hand and shook it. “I know, who you are. Y/N,” you replied.   
Utah frowned at your choice of words, but before he replied, Samsara came out with the stew.   
“Let’s eat!” she said and everybody took their places at the table. 

You sat down on the rock serving as the back wall of the cottage and watched as Samsara and Utah wandered off together to watch the sunset. Chowder, Grommet and Roach sat below you, leaning against the cottage. You could hear them comment on Samsara and Utah walking off together. They laughed and you couldn’t help the smile that spread on your face again. You relished the feeling of belonging that hung in the air and made you feel at home. When you heard somebody else climbing up the rock to where you sat, you turned around. Bodhi was coming up and said “Hey” when he saw you looking at him.   
“You good?” you asked and scooted to make room for him. He sat down next to you and draped a blanket around your shoulders and his own - pulling you into an embrace. You rested your head against his shoulder.   
“Yeah, I’m good. How about you? Everything okay?” he countered. You nodded, made a noncommittal “Mhm.”   
You straightened up a bit. “Listen, Bodhi. We need to talk.”   
“Sure, what’s up?” he looked at you intently, waiting for you to continue.   
You hesitated. Now was as good a time as any to tell him about your true identity and your assignment. But as you looked into his eyes, the way he seemed to take all of you in, to memorize you, you faltered. “I… about that kiss back in Paris…” You took a deep breath. “Why did you kiss me?”   
Now it was Bodhi’s turn to hesitate. “Did I do something wrong? Should I not have?”   
“No, no! That’s not it. I just wanted to know, why you did that.”   
“I like you, Y/N. I… if I’m honest, I wasn’t really thinking so much about the message that could have sent you. If you don’t like me, I’ll understand and I’ll back off,” he said.   
“You idiot. I like you too,” you replied. _And I might even be falling in love you, although I have to work against you._ As the sun vanished behind the horizon, you took the initiative, cupped his face in your hands and leaned in for another kiss. The consequences would certainly mean trouble. 


End file.
